Let Go
by Nanodaperson
Summary: Yuki is having a hard time letting go of his past and gets easly angry, but when his anger gets out of control, what happens to Shuichi? P.S. I thought of this story at work.


La Li ho! Its me and no i'm not updating. i just wanted to write this story cause i thought it was good and stuff. I thought of it at work cause i get bored easy. so yeah....hope you like it.

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Let Go

Through out the past couple months, the novelist, Eiri Yuki has been suffering from his past, but this is controling his life. He's been angry for the dumbest reasons and has been so irritated with everyone including his lover, Shuichi Shindou. Because of the way Yuki has been acting, it is effecting everyone around him, especially Shuichi. Each day of the novelist yelling, glaring, being destructive. Yes, being destructive. He has broken his laptop, a few cd (of Shuichi's band), a couple dishes and , what effected Shuichi the most was the picture of them one their first date. Also, the novelist hasn't been able to sleep because of nightmares. He'd either wake in a cold sweat with or without Shuichi staring at him worried or he'd cry in his sleep waking up Shuichi and Shuichi trying to comfort him in his sleep. Shuichi of coarse doesn't mind....but when it has been over months of this happening every night it could get rather annoying, but does Shuichi think that?

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SPOV

I would normally come home from work at about maybe eight at night. Since yuki has been so angry lately, i try not to come in with my usual 'I'M HOME!'. I would quietly tell him i was here or not even bother telling him, but either way he'd get so mad. One time he freaked out because i was just telling him 'hi'. Its something you could get used to, but i still get scared and upset everytime he has an episode. Sometimes it reverts to him yelling at me about how i ruined his life when that was years ago (and i don't think i ruined his life.). He yells at me for something little as sneezing loud or something i did in the past. Others times, he'd throw things at me like plates, cds, even the framed picture of our first date! I don't know why he is like this, but i really think he's past might be haunting him, but its effecting everyone including me. Now a days, i get so depressed easy, i cry a lot more, sometimes just randomly! Its crazy and i'm sick of it! Its ruining the band, Yuki's career, his life, my life, and more importantly our relationship. I try helping but he hets more angry at me. Also, he has been having tons of bad dreams. I try and comfort him, but i lose sleep and i feel so bad. Sometimes i blame myself, but Hiro tells me its not my fault. I've noticed i've been losing weight, probably i'm more focused on the band and mostly Yuki than my own self. I'll just try harder to help him. maybe he just needs to talk or something. i just know i won't give up hope, but....how long can i keep it up for?

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YPOV

I don't get whats going on. I see him everywhere. I see, hear and think of what happened when i was sixteen. I have nightmares of that same day over and over again. And because of that I always feel so angry, so upset, so scared.....I've noticed the fact that i continue to lose my temper easyly, especially at Shuichi. I don't know why, but i get so mad at him for just being here. Sometimes i feel like i...i just want to hurt him. But i keep fighting it inside. Shuichi has done nothing to make me mad, but i think of the most dumbest things like the dishes aren't clean or he didn't tie his shoes correctly. Yeah, its kind of dumb. Whatever, i know i won't hurt him and he understands what i'm going through. i know i can get through this just fine. And sure, i may have been having bad dreams and probably Shuichi notices it. I know that doesn't bother him much. So yeah, i shouldn't worry much about him. i know i'll be fine, but i just want the pain and torment to leave forever. I'm so sick of getting so angry, but its all i feel! Dammit!

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Shuichi finally returned home from work at about 8:03 p.m. He quietly took off His shoes.

"I wonder if Yuki is okay tonight. I mean this has to end soon, right?" thought the vocalist. He tiptoed to the study where Yuki was. He knocked on the door softly.

"Yuki?"

"What the hell is it now, brat?" replied the novelist as if Shuichi has been bugging him all day.

"Um....i was wondering..um-"

"SPIT IT OUT!! WHAT?!"

"Uh-wel-maybe-i don't know-maybe you want to talk?" Yuki gave him the coldest glare and huffed.

"Why the hell would i want to talk to you? I mean, your so fucking stupid! You don't understand what the hell i'm going through-"

"No-No! Its just-"

"No, you just shut your mouth-"

"Yuki, calm down! Your gettingmad over nothing-"

"Nothing it what you are! You're ruining my life-"

"I did nothing! If you want me to-"

"No, you FUCKING listening to me! you don't understand that life isn't a fairy tale! People die-"

"You think i don't know that? Yuki, please-"

"NO! I'M TITRED OF ALL YOUR CRAP!! THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU-"

"WHAT?! I HAVEN'T EVEN THOUGHT OF MYSELF THE PAST COUPLE MONTHS!! YOUR BEING RIDICULOUS!!"

"WHAT?!?! ME??!! I'M AM TOURMENTED INSIDE AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!"

"WHY?!?! JUST CAUSE YOUR THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD WHO KILLED SOMEONE DEAR TO YOU?!?! WELL, BOO-HOO!! YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS KILLED SOMEONE THEY LOVED!! SO STOP WHINING! I'VE GONE THROUGH TOO MUCH AND ITS HURTING EVERYONE INCLUDING YOU!!"

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD!! YOU BETTER SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!"

"NO YOU PRICK!! YOU-" and Shuichi was jammed into the wall and Yuki, out of no where, was punching him. Shuichi was kicking him in return. And so the fist fight began. Shuichi finally punched Yuki in the face and had him fall to the ground, but he quickly bounced up and literally throught Shuichi into the wall. Shuichi slid to the ground and got up. He then pounced on to Yuki trying to pull his arms out of the way so he wouldn't punch the vocalist more and he could some how end the fight. Yuki how ever just wanted to hurt Shuichi. He was hurt, really bad. And so to release his anger he must defeat the one he loves most. He grabbed Shuichi as Shuichi was about to pounce on him and he threw the vocalist across the room into the dinner tables and completely detroyed it. Shuichi stayed down and was coughing. Yuki went over and saw Shuichi on the ground.

"...stop....please, i'm..i'm s-sorry...please...stop..." tears came from the vocalist eyes as he said that to the angered novelist.

"Fine...we'll stop fighting..." the vocalist looked up " at least....i'll stop completely. Heh, y'know i thought my problems from the past would end, but they didn't. They got worse over time, and you know what? I'm sick of living off of this..."

Shuichi stared at him afraid. "..What do you mean?" Yuki just chuckled and grabbed a knife. I tear rolled down his face.

"...fuck this.....FUCK IT ALL!! FUCK LIFE!!" and Shuichi could do anything, Yuki stabbed himself in the chest and fell to the ground. Shuichi quickly got to him and tried saving him.

"YUKI!!! WHY!! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME!!! YUKI, PLEASE NO!!! PLEASE!! YUKIIIIII!!!!!!" he cried. Then it became dark.

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Days have gone by....it felt like an eternity........

................at least to Eiri Yuki in his mind.

He opened his eyes to a room with light blue wallpaper, a couple of black chairs, and an annoying beeping noise? He turned his head and saw a heart monitor.

'What?....i lived? But how?' thought the novelist. Just then i nurse entered the room and jumped.

"Oh Mr. Uesugi, your awake? Doctor! Doctor! He's awake!" and then the doctor entered the room along with the nurse.

"Well hello there, I'm ."

"Um...hi?"

"It looks like you've been stabbed in the chest. Thankfully it missed your organs, but almost got your heart by a centimeter. You've lost a lot of blood from the wound, but you were rushed here just in time."

"...."

"How are you feeling?"

"...Like crap."

"Haha. Thats what i expected. Are you alright for visitors?"

"....whatever."

"Very well, i will visit you soon." and he left with the nurse. About seconds later was Touma at the door. Yuki sighed.

"Hello Eiri. Are you feeling well?"

"What do you think?" there was a silience for a while.

"So...i heard you tried to kill yourself?"

"........?"

"Fine, give me the silent treatment."

"Its non of your business."

"Oh? I know it has to do with Kitazawa, doesn't it?"

"......."

"Stop that Eiri! If you were having problems why didn't you contact me, or a thrapist?"

"Didn't need it."

"Didn't need it? Eiri your being dumb!"

"Yeah, well-"

"Stop it right there! If you had problems, then you should've contacted a thrapist instead of holding it in and wanting to kill yourself!"

"So, its not like you guys care anyway! And besides i'm only hurting myself!"

"WHAT?! Eiri, you know your family and i- EVEN Shuichi love and care for you! In fact, we over care for you! And because of that we are affected by your pain! Throughout the last couple months we have been hurt emotionally by you and now with Shindou-san- he's been hurt the most! He's been trying and trying to help you! He'd rather help you more than himself! If you hadn't noticed but the kid hasn't slept, eaten, or even thought about himself in days, weeks, MONTHS! And this is how you treat him!"

".........."

"You know, i actually feel bad for him...."

"............"

"......"

".........Is he okay?" Touma sighed.

"Can't say. Physically, bruises and cuts, little internal bleeding. Mentally, i don't know."

"Where is he?"

"In another room with Hiro."

"............"

" So do you still want to die?"

"I...i just want to be happy again. I-i want to forget the past, but...i don't know...." Touma placed his hand on his shoulder.

"I recomend you to someone."

"Thanks."

"Your welcome Eiri."

Days later, Yuki could move little more and was allowed on a wheel chair. He requested to see Shuichi, since he still hasn't seen or heard of him. He was visited by Mika, Tatsuha, Ayaka, his editor, but not Bad luck nor Shuichi. Doctors were iffy because of his condition, but allowed it. They told him the room and he wheeled there. On the second floor in room 372, was Shuichi's room. once Yuki was there he sighed and knocked on the door. Hiro went and answered. He opened it and once he saw Yuki, he glared at him.

"What do you want?"

"I want to see Shuichi."

"No."

"Doctors said i could."

"Yeah, but did Shuichi say?"

"........."

"............."

"..Listen, i now know how much of a bastard i was to Shuichi and how much i hurt him, but can't i.....can't i just appologize and tell him i'm getting help?"

".......he's asleep though. I don't want to wake him up because its the first time really he can sleep with no worries or no noghtmares."

"Nightmares?"

"Here, just came in." and he left Yuki in. In the room was the tv on, same wall colors, and Shuichi cuddled up in covers silently asleep. Hiro then closed the door.

"So...why has he been having nightmares?"

"Well, the event is self explanitory. But on his part, its a nightmare all together."

"You mean-"

"After you stabbed yourself and blacked out, Shuichi was in hystarics, balling his eyes out, pleading you to not die, apologizing. I'm guessing the nieghbors called the ambulance and soon they arrived and pretty much made to rip Shuichi off of you. Shuichi was struggling to get to you so he can be there for you, but the ambulance workers wouln't let him. So he was in hysterics by the time i arrived and he tried telling me what happend and man, just seeing him like that was sad. He was some what covered with your blood on his clothes, fountains of tears pouring down, he was shaking and could barleying talk without crying harder. He blamed himself for the whole thing. Once Touma came, it got a little worse because he was acusing Shuichi and Shuichi tried telling him but was cry so hard he couldn't, so i ended up telling him. Later on, Shuichi passed out, while crying, because he aparrently he ripped his splen. Once he woke up, he didn't speak a word, refused to eat when he could....he's a mess."

"Wow...i didn't know...."

"Yeah, but he did mention one thing...i think it was earlier today. He said that when you guys were fighting, you mentioned that Shuichi had no idea how you felt."

"I think i remember that...not well, but go on."

"Well,...he actually does know what it feels like to kill someone he loves."

"What!?"

"Yeah, when Shuichi was fourteen. I remember when it happened. Me and my home driving by his house and the ambulance there. My mom was friends with Shuichi's mom, so she was upset as well, but Shuichi was covered in a blanket, tears rolling down his face. Once he spotted me he cryed harder and comforted him. Aparently, Since Shuichi's dad had issues, he'd hurt Shuichi all the time and sometimes Shuichi's mom and finally she was sick of it and stood up to Shuichi but then things got nasty and it ended up Shuici's dad killing his mom and Shuichi killing his dad. He was horrified."

"I can't believe it. Then how was he always so happy?"

"He put it behind him. He focused on the future then the past. You see, you had your family, Touma, your editors, or even Shuichi to go to for help. Shuichi only had me practically. My mom would've helped but she was also dramitised." Yuki just stared at the boy sleeping in the bed.

'That...is so unbelievable. I would've never have guessed.' he thought.

"I know he still loves you, if that what your wondering." Yuki turned his head surprised.

"I know it. How much he was crying, how he stares at the picture of you guys when he's awake-" Yuki looked and there was a picture from Shuichi's wallet of the both of them.

"-he also says your name in his sleep. He knows your alive and everything, but he still worries." Yuki still looked at Shuichi amazed. He the turned his chair about to leave when a voice was heard.

"Yuki.....please.....don't go....." Yuki turned around and Shuichi was still asleep. He smiled.

'I won't Shuichi. I won't.'

Days later Yuki was in bed rest as it was only days way until he could go home. then there was a knock at the door. Yuki looked at the door.

"Come in?" and the door opened. His eyes grew when he saw it was Shuichi at the door.

"Shuichi?"

"..uh..hi, yuki...."

"...you can sit down."

"Oh, sorry." and Shuichi sat down.

"You don't have to apologize..."

".........."

"So,....how are you feeling?"

"...uh, fine. what about you?"

"I've felt better, but otherwise good."

"......"

"You okay?"

"Yeah, i said i was fine..."

"I mean mentally. Are you okay?"

".......uh......"

"I'm sorry Shuichi."

"I know, Hiro told me. He told me you came to visit when i was sleeping."

"Yeah, but i wanted to apologize for all the pain i caused you. Like you not eating or sleeping, you being in the hospital, the things i said......"

"..I understand that you were mad-"

"No, Shuichi i was sick in the head. I needed help, but i didn't get it because i thought it would go away, but it grew into something worse."

"But what was it? I don't understand if it was your past or me-"

"It was never you and will never be you. I'm still unsure about it as well."

"......"

"Hiro told about your past."

"........"

"I would've never expected that was your past because your always so cheerful."

"Well....i hurt at first. I thought i was along in this world because even the kids at school made fun of me, but Hiro always stood by me and slowly i began to think of the positive and think of what i wanted and slowly i came to realizing who i am which is a happy person with the worst memory."

"Heh, that helps, but hearing that story kind of inspired me to...try to forget the past."

"Really?"

"Yeah, cause not many people can get over it. I envy you." Shuichi then blushed.

"So, you don't hate me."

"For what Yuki?"

"For everything i put you through the past couple of months?"

"Well, I 'm just gald your alive and its not my fault-"

"I was never your fault."

"I know, sorry!"

"So,....do you hate me?"

"........of coarse i don't. I'll love you know matter what!" he smiled and walked over to Yuki kissing him. Yuki surely knew that he should forget the past, and move on with the future.

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That is the story i thought of at work. Yeah, you must wonder what i do at work. Oh well, i thought it was an interesting story! well, please read more fanfics, review (PLEASE!) and i wish my name was bubbles, but its not. Kay BYEZ!! :)


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